Those Phrases shared by My Father That Helped Us when I became a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was just just surviving for the first year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of fatherhood.

However the truth soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a park bench, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward words "You're not in a healthy space. You need support. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a broader inability to talk amongst men, who continue to internalise harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a sign of failure to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the chance to request a pause - spending a short trip abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to things that don't help," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a trusted person, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead give the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their issues, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."